


Flip that flop

by Paper_Stars



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: 5+1 Things, F/F, Freelancer Hybrid AU, Guys i spent a month trying to write this, also the end is sad because happiness has no place in my life at t am, and cute, and i think it's good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-26
Updated: 2014-11-26
Packaged: 2018-02-22 16:21:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2514155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paper_Stars/pseuds/Paper_Stars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Or five times a Freelancer picked Wash up and the one time they could't put him down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Flip that flop

**Author's Note:**

> based on this (https://www.tumblr.com/search/the+director+didn't+even+know) (i don't know how to like things cuz i'm stupid and it's two am right now)  
> a headcannon post i made. Ya know stuff like that.

1\. York

There was shouting, lots and lots of shouting, coming from the hallway outside the rec room, accompanied by the sounds of running feet. It sounded like York and South shouting and Maine's heavy steps following them. Wash didn't know what they did this time but from they panic in their voices, South and York must have really pissed off their resident Komodo dragon hybrid. Wash also didn't care, he just wanted to read on  his data pad while he still had the day off, he just hope they'd avoid the rec room and get beaten up for whatever they did somewhere else.

Of course, this was not the case.

York came bursting into the room, South on his heels, and ran behind the couch where Wash was trying to make himself as small as possible. 

"Heyyyy Wash, you mind hiding us from your big scary Maine.?" York asked. The cat hybrid groaned, 

"What did you do this time?"

"Nothing, we just- Oh shit, Maine," The giant man was stalking into the room, glaring at the two dog hybrids trying in vain to hide behind the couch as much as he could with the state of his helmet. Somehow, they'd managed to get a literal pumpkin with a smirking face carved into it, onto his helmet. 

"York did it!" South shouted as she ran to hide behind North. York chuckled nervously, ears flat to his skull, as Maine loomed over him.

"You know Maine, I think this look suits you very well, so don't beat me up ple- AH WHY?," York shouted when Maine swiped at him.

"TAKE WASH, I'M TOO PRETTY TO DIE!" he shouted as he grabbed Wash around his waist and hoisted him up in front of his face. York felt like he would live for one, amazing second when Wash just ... flopped over in his arms. The room stopped and stared at the scene before them. Maine was standing over the two men, pumpkin on his head, claws out, York had his ears to his skull, tail between his legs and Wash against his his abdomen and bent at the waist, arms hanging like sacks of potatoes.

"OH GOD I KILLED HIM-"

"Wash are you okay?" North and York said at the same time. Wash squirmed a bit and York dropped him on the ground and backed away. Maine then took his opportunity to punch York in the head, take his helmet off, and kneel down to check on Wash.

"I'm fine," Wash said, "Just give me a minute." He stretched his limbs and stood up, looking just fine.

"What the actual fuck was that, Wash?" South asked. 

"I'm a Rag doll cat. It happens when i get picked up." Wash shrugged. South was on him in a hot second.

"Would you say," she said grinning, "that it happens every time you are picked up?"

" ... Yes." he said, feeling like he would regret sharing this information with the Pitt Bull hybrid. The absolute shit-eating grin that formed on her face when she heard this confirmed his suspicions.

"Wash, i'm not gonna lie. I will make your life hell with this little tidbit."

"Fuck."

 

 

 

 

2\. Connie

"Nope. You can't do it. You're just too small."

"South, if you do not stop, I will bite the fuck out of you."

"With what fangs, you fucking  _Garter Snake._ "

Well this was a cue to leave the room if there ever was one. South had been trying to goad other freelancers into picking Wash up for about a month now and none had taken the bait. That is, until Connie came back from her two-month long mission with Florida. A full hour of non-stop teasing from South made the Black Mamba hybrid look even more dangerous than normal, her hood was expanding, her were bared, a hiss was rising in her throat and Wash was slowly trying to make his way out of the room.

"I bet you can't even pick up Wash's skinny ass!"

"300 credits, I beat the piss out of you, and you sleeping in your own room for a month says i can,  _Lassie_." Connie hissed.

"600 credits, I get to choose the movies on movie night forever, and I get to be big spoon says you can't,  _Tiny Tina,"_ South said with a grin as she slammed her card down on the table between them. Wash was trying to edge his way out of the room when a clawed hand grabbed him by the back of his collar. In one swift movement Connie had him held up above her head.

 _"This is it, this is how I die,"_  he thought.

"FUCKING FIGHT ME SOUTH" she roared. South was too busy rolling around the floor, not even trying to hid her laughter. Wash was held, spread-eagle, over Connie's head. South saw the look of complete and utter panic on his face as she tried to calm down and burst into another fit of laughter. This only made Connie angrier. She threw Wash down onto the table in front of her, knocking the wind out of him in the process, and stalked towards South, who now had the sense to be scared of her pissed off girlfriend.

"H-hey Connie," she said, "You know, I've heard that beating up your partners is frowned upon by most people."

"You have ten seconds to hide before I throw you off this ship, South." Connie threatened. South was out of the room before Connie even finished her threat. Connie counted to five and slithered out of the room after her, not even sparing a glance at Wash's curled up, groaning form. Wash rolled off the table onto the floor and just laid there, trying to catch his breath.

_"I never should have left the ODST program."_

 

 

 

 

3\. Carolina

 "Agent Carolina, would you care to explain exactly why you thought you'd be able to pull your firearm on an unarmed civilian?" the Director asked.

"The civilian in question was harassing Agent Washington who was unable to defend himself, Sir."

The crow hybrid sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. This happened every time Washington went out on shore leave, he'd attract trouble solely by existing, then the trouble would stay when it realized that he was a domestic house-cat in the military. Though it was strange that Washington was unable extract himself from the situation.

"Why was Agent Washington unable to defend himself?" 

Wash took this moment to make himself known to the room. He stood up from his seat against the wall shakily and stumbled slightly.

"I've been sick, Sir, it wasn' tha bad until this mornin', so I was gonna to get back to the Mother." He slurred, bracing himself against the wall.  Carolina was quickly at his side helping him stand.

"Jus' lemme be Charlotte. 'M fine," The use of her real name was enough to stop both Carolina and the Director from what they were doing.

"Agent Washington, may i remind you that the use of real names, on or off the battlefield, is unsafe and against protocol." The director said. Wash coughed into his elbow and looked blearily at the Director. His eyes were unfocused, his ears were flat to his skull and he looked flushed.

"Sorry Dad. Think 'm getting worse." He said as he swayed into Carolina. Once again, Wash had struck the room into silence. The Directors turned around to face The Leaderboard.

"Carolina, take your brother to the infirmary. He is not well enough to be up and moving around."

"Yes, Sir."

~

Carolina had Wash in her arms, bridal style, as she walked down to the infirmary. He was limp, almost disturbingly so, and hot to the touch. Carolina was struck by the sudden memory of their mother carrying Wash upstairs to his room when he'd caught a nasty cold. She was singing to him, an old song that she used sing to them when they when they were infants, or over the phone, or when she was deployed off to the far reaches of the universe.

"Charlotte?" Wash said, snapping her out of her reverie.

 "Yeah David?" she asked.

"Remember tha song mom would sing to us?"

"What about it?"

"Can you sing it?" He asked. The Timber wolf almost tripped over her own feet, this was a difficult request but it was surprising, even with all the name slip-ups he's been having. Carolina looked down at her little brother, Red in the face and panting lightly in her arms. He look like he was in pain. She sighed and hoped that there was no one else was around to hear her.

 

_If all our life is but a dream_

_  
Fantastic posing greed_

_  
Then we should feed our jewelry to the sea_

_  
For diamonds do appear to be_

_  
Just like broken glass to me_

 

She could feel Wash trying to hum to the song against her chest and it was bittersweet. Memory's of taking care of a sick Wash after their mother passed hit her one after the other as she sang.

 

 

_And then she said she can't believe_

  
_Genius only comes along_

  
_In storms of fabled foreign tongues_

  
_Tripping eyes, and flooded lungs_

  
_Northern downpour sends its love_

 

Carolina's voice rang down the hall, Wash humming along with it against her. He was quiet, his song interspersed with little whimpers. She almost missed this, in a way, singing for him when was hurt or sick. It was a sign to him that he was home no matter where he was, and Carolina, behind her position as leader, as Number One, as the Boss, didn't mind having to just be Big Sister again.

 

_Hey moon, please forget to fall down_

_  
Hey moon, don't you go down_

_  
You are at the top of my lungs_

_  
Drawn to the ones who're never young_

 

 

4\. Texas

This fucking cat has to have the shittiest luck on the battlefield she'd ever seen. Within an hour of dropping in, he'd already managed to get shot twice and almost fall of a cliff. How he is still alive is a damn mystery to her.

"Agh fuck! Tex on your six!" Wash shouted he was bowled over by what seemed to be an elephant hybrid. The elephant rushed and slammed their tusks into her helmeted horns. They locked together and spent a moment trying to push the other off, when Tex got the upper hand and flung them to the side onto the ground. They swung their head wildly, catching her in the thigh between her armor plates. She grunted and kicked them away with her good leg. The bull hybrid followed up by stomping on their head, knocking them unconscious. Or killing them. It's hard to tell through the helmets. She turned to see Wash just barely flipping out of the way of an oncoming strike from an Emu hybrid. Kid needs to stop being so fancy before he really gets himself killed.

 _"Agent Texas, the rest of the team is in possession of the package, but they can't shake their tails. You and Agent Washington need to get to the extraction point yesterday so we can blow this joint."_  479er's voice crackled though her radio.

"Copy that four-Seven. We're headed there now," Tex replied, "Wash, we need to leave-" She was interrupted by a shout from behind her. She turned to see Wash on the ground with his entire back armor plate shattered. 

"Goddammit Wash, we don't have time for this," She said as she disposed of the Hybrid who'd downed him, "Can you walk?" she got no response and checked his pulse to make sure he was still with the living. He still has a pulse, good, but he wasn't going to be waking up any time soon.

 _"Texas, you and Wash need to get here now. We need to get off-planet now or we are all going to die by scary MoI laser beam, and I do not want to go out that_ way." 479er shouted in her ear.

"We'll be there, but you might need to meet us halfway. Wash is injured, possibly fatally, I'm not sure. I do know that he can't walk and has bled a lot but not much more than that. I'm injured as well. I can deal, but this could be a little slow-going on our part." Tex said as she heaved Wash over her shoulder with a grunt. It might just be the armor, but the kid was fucking heavy for how skinny he looked. 

 _"I don't care as long as you little shits **get here soon**." _ 479er yelled. 

"Okay, Wash. Time for us to get out of here."

~

 Wash woke up in the infirmary, slightly dazed and achy all over. He was alone, but i looked like someone had been in the room recently. There were several chairs piled with blankets and pillows, and a few books and music players were left on his bedside table. Slowly, he tried to sit up when a hand on his chest stopped him.

"Whoa there kid, don't sit up like that, you might pop a stitch or two," said Tex. She was out of armor for once but still managed to look as intimidating. Even with the heavy bandages on her leg, and the way she favored the other while she stood, she still looked like she could beat the whole world to a pulp without breaking a sweat.

"Texas?" Wash asked, "What happened to your leg, and where is everybody?"

"I sent them to eat and shower. You've been out about a week now and Carolina, Maine, and Connie have been here the entire time at least. North and York have only been in and out to get people snacks and water. Even Florida and Wyoming have been visiting. I have to say kid, you've got a lot of friends here."

"Thanks. So, what happened?"

"Well you lost a fight with a giant flightless bird as well as a good amount of blood. Four-seven was trying to get us to the extraction point as fast as possible because the planet was about to get the shit lasered out of it by the Director. I figured that you still had a chance at life so, I carried you halfway to the extraction point where Four-seven was able to meet with us and take you to the AoMS before you bit the dust," explained Tex.

 "Wait you carried me?" Wash asked, "but what about your leg?"

"I'm fine. Pretty sure i can handle carrying a scrawny little cat like you."

"I'm not scrawny, i happen to have some-" They were interrupted by a knock on the doorway. It was Carolina, also out of armor, and she had a tray of food with her.

"I had an agreement with the med staff that they would call when you woke up," she said, "How are you feeling?"

"Okay, I guess. Kinda sore, but i'll live," said Wash. Carolina nodded at that and crossed the room to Wash's bedside. She set the tray down on the bedside table and regarded Tex, who looked unfazed. for a full minute they stood in silence, staring at each other. Tex broke eye contact first and went to leave the room.

"Tex," said Carolina, stopping the bull hybrid in the doorway, "Thank you." Texas didn't reply, instead she turned and nodded at both siblings and left.

 

 

 

5\. Florida

     There weren't many people in the freelancer program that Florida could say he legitimately liked and tolerated. Reggie was one of them, of course, but surprisingly enough, Washington was one as well. Even Florida didn't know what it was. Maybe it was how damn genuine the cat could be. Or maybe it was his ability to not die even with the terrible luck he had with basically everything. It could be that he actively tried to make friends with Florida, even after the shower debacle. Florida didn't know. What he did know was that whatever it was he liked about the cat, contributed heavily to his deciding that, when the program went up in flames, Washington would not go up with it. Florida knew the program was destined to fail the moment he was hired. The Director knew what he was, assassin, formal training but no military career. It was a life Florida was born into and it wasn't bad, not for him at least. If the Director was willing to hire people like him and Reggie, who'd never had a real military career either, then the Director was willing to do some shady things in the name of 'science'. At first Florida didn't mind, he was getting his paycheck and didn't have to work to closely with the other Freelancers. But then Washington showed up. youngest and only son of the Director and younger brother to Carolina. It really wasn't that hard to figure out. Carolina was more protective of him than she would be with other rookie's, meaning that she was protective of him at all, and the Director should be more careful about his personnel files.

     Now, at first Florida ignored the kid, the only interesting thing about him was his family ties, but then the kind managed tot correctly identify what kind of hybrid Florida was. Something that even the director hasn't been able to do. After that, Florida started to pay more attention to the kid, and, after some time, they managed to develop a sort of friendship. Florida knew about the rag-doll thing before anyone else and Wash knew just how poisonous Florida really was.

     Florida could feel the end coming when Connie left. He told Wash, who was busy trying to stop his sister from falling to pieces so the message was not really at the forefront of wash's mind. Florida was ready to just leave after Connie was killed. He was ready to take Reggie and Wash and get them off of this god damn ship, but the Director was cracking down on security. No one in or out. We don't want another betrayal on our hands. Florida did try to leave when Carolina took Eta and Iota for herself. The Director caught them and Wash took the heat. Florida guessed that was why Wash was chosen for Epsilon on the end.

     Then the ship crashed and everyone scattered. Everyone but Florida, and Washington. Florida carried him out of the burning ship. The Director stopped him, asked for his son back please, do you really think you can fix the damage that AI has done to him?, the ship is down but we have other facilities, you can still work and protect him, just come back with us to this planet's facility and we'll fix what we can.

     Florida couldn't fix this on his own. Reggie was gone, trying to save Gamma from the Meta, and Florida didn't even have his bandolier with him. He didn't hand Wash over until they reached to compund and their was a nurse there to take him. The director took Florida away, to some dark, dank room, deep underground and asked him questions. Florida, where do your loyalties lie? Florida, why have you taken an interest in Agent Washington? Florida, do you want to protect him? Florida, would you take this last mission in order to protect Agent Washington? Florida, do you believe that i will exterminate anything that gets in my way, be it friend or foe? Florida, do you believe that Agent Washington could get in my way? 

Florida, would you kindly forget agent Washington?

After all, he's forgotten you.

 

 

 

 

\+ 1 time they all picked him up

     Sometimes Wash wondered how he got himself into these types of situations. It's been two weeks since he got out of the infirmary and in those two weeks, his feet have not touched the ground once thanks to his lovely team mates. At first it was nice, being carried everywhere, but now it's just irritating. He's a rookie not a baby. One near death experience is not going to kill him. On top of the carrying, York managed to find out that if you tug on his ear just right, he will collapse on the floor in a puddle of sleepy happiness. Unfortunately, York decide that it would be bast to share this with everyone. Loudly.

     Eventually the irritation Wash had for all the carrying came to a head during a movie night. He'd tried to get up to grab a blanket from the floor when Maine grabbed him round the middle and sat him back down on the couch.

"All right guys, Enough's enough!" Wash shouted, grabbing the attention of everyone in the room. "Stop with the carrying and babying me! Shit's not cool or helpful in any way, shape or form."

the other Freelancers looked a little stunned at first and then, one by one, they began to look sheepish.

"I guess we have taken it a little too far," said York.

"You think? I get that you want to protect the 'baby of the team', but that's degrading to me. I am fully capable of walking on my own."

"You're right," said Carolina, "We're sorry for taking this so far and we promise to stop, Right guys?" there was a chorus of 'yes' from all around the room.

"Thanks. Now, on with the movie."

**Author's Note:**

> Guys i spent a literal month trying to write this because i managed to procrastinate on it. Please appreciate.


End file.
